Children's Bereavement


“The plant grows in the mist and under clouds as truly as under sunshine.”
                                                      ~ William Ellery Channing

Death is a natural part of life. Everything that lives must die. Children learn about death by observing the death of plants and animals. Because children are naturally curious, they will ask questions about death. Here are some ways you can help your child cope with a death:

Be Honest
It is best to answer your child’s questions simply and honestly. The younger the child is, the more simply you answer the question. Do not tell your child that the deceased person is sleeping or gone. Tell your child the loved person has died or can’t move or breathe. It’s okay to not have all the answers.

Grieve
It’s okay to grieve in front of your child. It lets the child know that it is okay to cry and be sad.

Don’t Hide
Include your child in the process as much as possible. Give them accurate information. This is respectful of you child. Isolating your child may be more for your comfort.

Don’t Give Mixed Signals
Telling your child to be happy – that a loved person has died and is in heaven and then crying in private is confusing your child.

Discuss Death in Non-Crisis
Read books to your child about death and find occasions to mention it instead of avoiding it.

Include Children
Ordinarily, your child should be included in closure rituals, but let the child decide if he or she wants to participate. When people participate in closure rituals, they have less guilt. It helps your child to learn about death as well as teaches your child moral values which you cherish as a parent.

Hear What Your Child Is Trying to Say
If the child asks questions like, “Will you die?”, assure the child that if you do die, who will take care of them. Ask what would be scariest if you died. Let your child know that talking about death does not “make it happen”.

Guilt
Address your child’s unspoken but very real sense of guilt. A child does not understand death and as a result, may think that he or she did something to make the loved one die. Tell your child that nothing he or she did, said, or thought made the loved one die.

Support
Teach your child healthy ways to express and help themselves when he or she is sad and how they can help support others.

Behaviors
If a child shows little or no emotion, provide support and acceptance. It may be a while before the child can express his or her feelings. If a child exhibits anger, rage, or is “acting out”, provide a way to physically or creatively express the anger. Above all, show support, understanding, and acceptance to the child to help him or her through this difficult time.

Good reasons to call us…

  • You need an expert, speaker, or program geared to children’s grief topics
  • Our grief counselors are available to help you help your child
  • You wish to volunteer your time, contribute, or sponsor a child in need
  • You need help now for a child who is not coping well with grief or loss

Our Programs:

Counseling Services for Children
Counseling services are available to children of Hospice and Palliative Care families. The counselor is available to meet the child in a home environment. This service is available on an “as-needed” basis. An assessment and initial home visit are required prior to counseling.

Crisis Counseling
We offer crisis counseling in the event of a sudden, unexpected death of a teacher, student, or significant person in the school.

School Outreach Initiatives
We offer group counseling in the school for students who have experienced a loss or who are facing the death of a loved one. The children meet one time a week for one hour in an appointed room in the school for eight weeks.

This has been a very successful service. The children do well in a group setting. An effort is made to group the children by appropriate age groups.

Our Community
We accept referrals from the community for children who are having problems coping with a loss who may not have been previously associated with Mercy Hospice.

For more information on other Children’s Bereavement services, please contact:

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